Friday, February 26, 2010

Recent Developments & 8dpiui

If IF is a roller coaster, then right now I feel like I'm approaching the very top of the hill (like on the Eagle at Six Fl.ags...my fav), with both hands up, in the front car, and my harness feels kinda loose...and we're slowly inching away and I'm thinking woah, here we goooooo!!! That is sorta how I'm feeling right now, in a constant state of omg. To fill you in, yesterday afternoon hubby and I went to our consult appointment with Dr. C. We hadn't seen him since our initial visit in October, so I very excited to hear what he had to say, and also secretly hoping he'd tell me he could tell just by looking at my that I was preggers. Hah, how nice would that be. Oh yes, you have the glow...congrats!!!

Anyways, he started going through each cycle discussing the follicles and their sizes, lining (did you know your lining could be too thick, which mine apparently was one cycle), progesterone, etc. He then moved on to my current injectible cycle, and started explaining how I actually responded to fast to the 50 IUs. To remind you I had a 18, 17, 16, 15, 12.5 & 11...all on day 8, after 4 days of shots!!! Can I please have the gold medal in follie growth, sheesh. So turns out the reason we had to trigger on cd8 was because he didn't want to risk the smaller two maturing, in which case he would have canceled my cycle. Thank you Dr. C for that, cause I would have been pretty frickin upset if that had happened.

He then proceeded to tell me that injectibles were too risky for me, since 50 is the lowest dosage. Umm, starting to panic...please don't put me back on clo.mid. But instead to my shock he said it was time for IVF. WHOA...this is serious, I mean really serious!! And yes, mentally I was preparing for IVF and maybe even looked forward to those crazy awesome success rates...BUT, until you're looking it straight in the face you don't quite understand the implications of going down the IVF road. I asked hubby what he thought, and he voiced my same concern...IVF is pretty much the last option on the IF road, so what happens if it doesn't work. Sure the Dr. can tell you you have a 50/50 chance, but he can't guarantee anything. That is a very scary thought, and if I think about that long enough I can send myself into extreme panic mode.

So he gave us the IVF packet, told us not to even open it until I get my pregnancy results next Wednesday, and if its bad news call to fill my birth control prescription and schedule my IVF consult with him. I mean, holy shit...talk about upping the anty. Like not only do I want to be preggers so badly, but now it could save me from going down the IVF road. Especially on the cycle where everything is coming back low, sperm count, progesterone was only 11 (which dr. claims is because we triggered so early)...still I've learned my lesson and started using the supps. And I know I said after the IUI that I was going to be realistic this cycle, but I can't help it...my hopes are sky high. And my body is seriously not helping with that, phantom symptoms galore!!!

In any case, in a few days we'll know and I'll have some clarity which I think we'll make going down the IVF road a little easier. Right now I just keep going back and forth between these crazy extremes in my head, obviously the IVF road, and then the omg what if I"m preggers with quads right now (hah, I said extreme didn't I). So I'm going to enjoy this little bubble of hope because I'll be entering my
dark place in a couple of days and all hope will be shredded. And IF this cycle is a bust, and IVF is where we're headed than I'll just have to deal with it. No sense in pouting and saying why me why me, I'm a strong girl and I will do whatever it takes! Lots of people do IVF and survive, AND huge bonus...get bfp's, right? In the last couple weeks it worked for both Shanny & Wishing4One, huge congrats to you ladies!! So why not me?

17 comments:

teamjinfred said...

Wow. I have no advice. But stay in your bubble of hope in the meantime!

Crossed Fingers said...

Wow...I hope you get your BFP this cycle but if you don't I hope the IVF works out for you. You have traveled such a long road, it's about darn time you reached that pot of gold!

Secret Sloper said...

What an amazing, scary, intense visit, especially when you are not mentally prepared for that news. I so, so, so hope you are pregnant right now (even though I'm sure you'll handle any future events with grace, strength and composure).

Come on implantation!

Jane said...

Wow. IVF already. That is some heavy news to absorb. I don't necessarily have any advice for you, except to do what you heart tells you to do. The higher success rates of IVF are hard to ignore, but I know the feeling that IVF is a big step, and a last step. But I think you should take a lot of comfort in your good response to the injectables - although that might be bad news when it comes to IUIs, that's good news when it comes to IVF!

lowfatlady said...

Wow you do respond really well to injectables. I'm going to be trying out 50iu as well whenever I get to try again. I really hope you don't have to think about ivf. That is a big jump to have to think about.

A said...

Welcome to staring IVF in the face!! :) AND, I am so jealous of how you responded to injectables! I didn't know that I really didn't respond that well until I started comparing my dosage to those who take the same during IVF...

But we will get an IVF BFP (...right?)!

Will be praying that this cycle you will receive your baby blessing!!

AplusB said...

Wow - that is certainly a lot to take in!! I know you'll handle whatever happens beautifully - you ARE a strong woman! I may be on the fast track to IVF as well. Given my reduced egg count and really really strong desire to be pregnant NOW, I'm ok with that. My RE said that if I respond too well to the injects he would convert my cycle to IVF. I really can't imagine going in for a follie check one minute and scheduling an egg retrieval the next...but we gotta take it as it comes, right?
I have oodles of hope for you this cycle. You had such a great response. Really really hoping you get a BFP on Wednesday and don't even have to think about IVF!

sienna said...

hi there - i read somewhere that during the 2ww, you're "pregnant until proven otherwise" :o)

i freaked out when we went from trying on our own straight to ivf bc of mfi. but then you read all the stats more carefully and we're on the young(er) side (you more than me!), so our chances are even better. so try not to think of it as the "last chance" so much as "a quicker road to getting your baby"!!

*goodluck* and *fingers crossed*

Baby On Mind said...

God luck with this round. I really hope it works for you.

I know how you feel with IVF staring you in the face. DH and I knew when our last IUI didn't work that the next step would be IVF. We actually cancelled our conference with our RE because we just weren't ready. Well after a long while, we were ready to jump back in the TTC band wagon. I think we just needed time to mourn the fact that we would never be able to have a baby naturally and needed some BIG help. Take some time off if you need to.

I'm praying for a BFP for you!

Ashley said...

IVF is a scary pill to swallow. It's overwhelming and when you think of it as "your last hope" then you can go crazy. So don't think like that. :) Take it easy. And hopefully you are pregnant right now and won't have to even think about it! :)

JC said...

It's kind of crazy to make that giant leap from first injectable cycle to IVF, but you can do it. I think you should just focus on this cycle though b/c you could be pregnant! I'm really hopeful and rooting for you. So don't worry about IVF just yet. =)

Leslie said...

It sounds like you had a good appt -- I understand how overwhelming it must be to hear about IVF! We had a similar experience and once I started IVF, it was not nearly as hard as I imagined.

I am crossing my fingers/toes for you that this cycle will work so you do not have to worry about IVF.

Fertility Chick said...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this cycle is the one and you won't need to worry about IVF - but know that no matter what I'll be rooting you own!

I'm now a blog follower - yay! Look forward to following your journey! :)

Ashley said...

Thank you for the sweet comment on my last post. If you ever have any IVF questions you are welcome to ask. I don't mind at all! :) But fingers crossed that you won't need to ask those questions!!

Myndi said...

Wow. Well, I hope you don't have to go down the IVF path (because that means BFP!), but if you do, it isn't that bad. At least, I found it to not be so bad.

Best of luck to you either way!

Shanny said...

Thanks =)
I know you can do it IF needed, I'm here if you have questions but I'm praying that you wont even need to think about IVF after this cycle. My fingers are crossed tightly for you and I'm praying for your miracle soon. Hugs. I know its overwhelming.

Patrish said...

Congratulations! I have selected to pass on my first blog award to you -- the Sunshine Award! Stop by for a visit to pick up your award

Big Belly or Bust