Tuesday, February 9, 2010

What I Know

So yesterday I went to the Dr. and they confirmed my level had returned to 0. I stopped the progesterone supps and am just awaiting the arrival of my period. Assuming I'm good to cycle, I'll be moving onto injectibles this month. It's hard to believe my 3 months of clo.mid went by so fast, and even harder to believe (or maybe accept) that nothing resulted from them. I have to admit, I'm starting to really wonder what WILL be the thing to get us our BFP? Will three more cycles of injectibles fly by and it will be time for IVF? And what is it gonna take to get the frickin egg to stick? Does it mean something that we've had 1 miscarriage, and now almost 2 chemicals (my first IUI I had a teeny tiny trace of hcg in my system)? And how in the world does someone get pregnant on their own...and now their body refuses to do it again, even with the help of drugs. It seems SO ass backward to me.

But I thought to myself these are all things I don't know and more importantly can't control, so in there very uncertain world of IF...why not focus on the things I do know. I know I can get pregnant. And while being unexplained comes with a frustration of its own, I do know that nothing is really wrong with us. I know I respond well to drugs. I know that we're timing things correctly, and hubby's guys are finding my eggs, and I'm assuming fertilizing my eggs. I know that financially we have the means to keep going, even if it comes to IVF. I know that every month my family, friends, bloggers and people I don't even know are thinking and hoping for me. I know that I will not give up until I get a BFP. I know that all I can do in this moment, is wait for a new cycle to begin...and continue to hope for the best.

I'm really trying to flush out the what if questions from my mind this month (starting now), and focus and that very positive list of things we know we've got going for us. And on top of that we head to NYC on Sunday for my fall '10 buying trip for my website. So we'll actually be in NYC for V-day which is very fun. And then two days of showroom appts, viewing the fall collections. So much more fun that my day job! And we never did get around to booking that Mexico trip, let's face facts...IF makes it almost impossible to travel. The first two weeks there are two many appts to be gone, and do I really want to drink virgin margaritas and worry about lounging in a hot tub during the second two? But we did book a trip to Florida the beginning of March. My parents rent a house for a month, so hubby and I are heading down for a long weekend, to relax, golf, and try to de-thaw from Chicago winter!

In other positive news I want to send a HUGE congrats to Erin at thestateiamin who got her BFP on Friday! Check out her way too cute "omg I'm freaking cause I got a bfp" video. My goal is to follow in her now pregnant footsteps and get my BFP on IUI#4 with injections!!! So happy for you Erin!!

15 comments:

Andrea said...

Hello,

New to your blog, but glad that I happened upon you :)

Your words echo mine in so many ways, as this journey is long mentaly taxing. We've all had those "what if's" invade our thoughts and steal our JOY, but we must stay faithful in knowing we WILL be successful in our efforts :) Keep Believing and know that I'm cheering you on!

Hugs and Enjoy your buying trip! I'm a designer and always love going to market(s)..have some Cheesecake in NY for me.

I look forward to journeying with you.

Andrea
persuitofourfairytale.blogspot.com

Crossed Fingers said...

I hope the injectables work for you guys and it does the trick. It's frustrating to not know and understand. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Jane said...

I'm sorry you have to move on to injectables, but I'm excited for you also. They DO have a higher success rate. You should end up with more eggs and I just KNOW one of those is going to stick for you!!! Good luck!!!

Ashley said...

I really hope your injectables work for you! My fingers are crossed that this is your cycle!

AplusB said...

I hope the injectibles do the trick for you on the first try. You have so many things in your favor...I know you are SO close to getting the real thing!
You'll have so much fun in NYC and Florida will be a perfect escape from Chicago winter weather!
Can't wait to check out the Basic Boutique site after your NY buying trip :)

Al said...

You are so strong to be focusing on the positives ...you're right you guys are getting SO close, it's only a matter of time. I hope that injects will work on the first go.

Have so much fun in NYC, it sounds amazing for valentines day.

suchagoodegg said...

Oh, NYC, how I love thee! That will be so much fuuun!

I love your attitude (as usual) and I can't wait for you to kick some serious butt on injects!!!

JC said...

You're right, those things we can't control we shouldn't focus on. You're doing great and keep that positive attitude. This could be it! And I'm really rooting for you 100%. Have fun in NYC!!! And where in FL? That should be fun and relaxing!

Shanny said...

There are just too many questions with no logical answer when it comes to infertility, it sucks! I'm crossing my fingers and toes and eyes for injectibles to bring your lovely BFP, GL!

Secret Sloper said...

You know such good things, they are GOING to get you pregnant. Keep believing.

If you want any recommendations for places to see (or eat) in NYC, let me know. You're coming to my city! Have a great V-day :)

A said...

I think it is excellent to focus on what you know, in the midst of IF which throws so many unknown curveballs!! I will be praying that injectables will help you conceive your take home baby!!

Katie said...

I'm so sorry that you are moving on to injects, but I love your attitude. We can only control what we can control and that's it. What we can't control, we just have to stay positive about, though I do wish I had answers to those questions, too.

Enjoy your upcoming trips! They sound like a lot of fun.

Wishing 4 One said...

Yeah for moving right along this just may be it for you, no it will be it. 2010 is teh year of teh baby girl!!

Wow, you know today is the first time i clicked over to your hto little website, and um I think I may be ordering some things for my Dad to bring to me in Cairo this summer. Really great stuff and prices are awesome too. Have fun in NYC i love it there and must eat good pizza and thai food, and shop my ass off when i'm there.

Krissi said...

Your words are inspiring and I know it's not easy to look at the positives during such a horrible time...thanks for the follow! I will check in on you and I am hoping nothing but the best for you with this next cycle! Good luck!! (Stress Free Infertility)

Erin said...

Awwww, thank you! I'm really hoping that IUI #4 with injectables does the trick for you too! I hear the injections produce higher quality follicles, so it could be just the trick!