What I Know

So yesterday I went to the Dr. and they confirmed my level had returned to 0. I stopped the progesterone supps and am just awaiting the arrival of my period. Assuming I'm good to cycle, I'll be moving onto injectibles this month. It's hard to believe my 3 months of clo.mid went by so fast, and even harder to believe (or maybe accept) that nothing resulted from them. I have to admit, I'm starting to really wonder what WILL be the thing to get us our BFP? Will three more cycles of injectibles fly by and it will be time for IVF? And what is it gonna take to get the frickin egg to stick? Does it mean something that we've had 1 miscarriage, and now almost 2 chemicals (my first IUI I had a teeny tiny trace of hcg in my system)? And how in the world does someone get pregnant on their own...and now their body refuses to do it again, even with the help of drugs. It seems SO ass backward to me.

But I thought to myself these are all things I don't know and more importantly can't control, so in there very uncertain world of IF...why not focus on the things I do know. I know I can get pregnant. And while being unexplained comes with a frustration of its own, I do know that nothing is really wrong with us. I know I respond well to drugs. I know that we're timing things correctly, and hubby's guys are finding my eggs, and I'm assuming fertilizing my eggs. I know that financially we have the means to keep going, even if it comes to IVF. I know that every month my family, friends, bloggers and people I don't even know are thinking and hoping for me. I know that I will not give up until I get a BFP. I know that all I can do in this moment, is wait for a new cycle to begin...and continue to hope for the best.

I'm really trying to flush out the what if questions from my mind this month (starting now), and focus and that very positive list of things we know we've got going for us. And on top of that we head to NYC on Sunday for my fall '10 buying trip for my website. So we'll actually be in NYC for V-day which is very fun. And then two days of showroom appts, viewing the fall collections. So much more fun that my day job! And we never did get around to booking that Mexico trip, let's face facts...IF makes it almost impossible to travel. The first two weeks there are two many appts to be gone, and do I really want to drink virgin margaritas and worry about lounging in a hot tub during the second two? But we did book a trip to Florida the beginning of March. My parents rent a house for a month, so hubby and I are heading down for a long weekend, to relax, golf, and try to de-thaw from Chicago winter!

In other positive news I want to send a HUGE congrats to Erin at thestateiamin who got her BFP on Friday! Check out her way too cute "omg I'm freaking cause I got a bfp" video. My goal is to follow in her now pregnant footsteps and get my BFP on IUI#4 with injections!!! So happy for you Erin!!