Tuesday, February 2, 2010

10 dpo - Slipping

So here I am again at 10dpo...and I'm trying so hard to remain positive, but I can feel myself slipping. What is it about 10dpo, it feels like I'm being slammed against a wall or something. I want to believe this is my month, I want to keep the hope alive...but I feel like my body is doing everything possible to shatter my hopes. And while I'm trying my best not to over analyze these things, its impossible to ignore them completely, and its impossible to keep the thoughts that follow out of my head. The questions like can I handle another BFN, am I strong enough to keep going, am I really on the verge of injectibles, and how did we even get here?

It's weird in some ways it feels like the last year was a blur, but then I think of everything we went through and how in one year SO much has changed for us. However, I do believe the worst is behind us...sure sure, injectibles do not sound like fun, and we all know IVF is NO walk in the park. And although we don't technically don't have an answer as to why this is happening, we do have a plan that I believe will get us pregnant. Every cycle we're getting a month closer to that BFP, and there will be a light at the end of this very dark and overly long tunnel. I just know there is.

In other news I started taking progesterone supplements last night. My progesterone on Friday came back at 13.1 (my lowest to date), and my nurse told me they like 15 but anything over 10 is okay, so come back in a week for my beta. Well, my first month I was at 18, and she told me they like it to be above 15. So doesn't it seem like she's bending the rules here? If you told me 15 is where you want it to be, then why this month is 10 okay? When I pushed my nurse on this she told me my Dr. didn't believe in progesterone supplements until a positive beta.

Over the weekend this just wasn't sitting well with me, so I called back yesterday and asked for the supps. She said that was no problem and they certainly couldn't hurt anything, but may delay the start of my next cycle. I'm thinking, hello lady...let's focus on the big picture here. I've been dealing with this for over a year...you really think two days is going to burst my bubble?!? And how about we focus on how they will help me get a bfp instead of how they'll effect my next af. Geez!!! So that's all I got, three more days and I'll know!

16 comments:

suchagoodegg said...

Every day is harder and harder in the 2ww. Ahhhhhh! I am SO rooting for you!!!

Good job getting the supps...it can't hurt, it might help, and it makes you FEEL BETTER!

Katie said...

If you aren't pregnant, they may not delay the start of your next cycle. After my first IUI, my beta was negative but I knew because I had already started bleeding lighting through the suppositories.

I hope they help. I think you did the right thing by asking for them. I have my fingers crossed for you!

Jane said...

10dpo is the worst. It's still really too early to test, but not too early to think that maybe you could test. Yuck! Try to hang in there!

It sounds like the progesterone is a good idea for you - and I doubt it's going to hurt anything so why not? Good for you for taking a stand!

The (Type A) Nightmare said...

I have been so M.I.A. on the blog love lately. When I'm at this point in the 2ww, I feel like NOT talking about anything baby might help me. Does that make sense? As in, talking too much baby/preggo may jinx me. ;o)

I'm at ?dpo. The trigger shot seriously messes me up. So... if I had to guess... I'm 12dpo, but I'm not expecting AF until Saturday.

I think I've talked myself out of testing (hpt) this month. My doctor never asks for beta, and I truly don't think I can handle a negative test (but obviously, you can tell I'm already thinking in that direction). I'd rather AF let me know. Somehow that seems less painful, at the moment.

Jin said...

Your 10dpo is like my 12 dpo. Sucks so bad. Good luck!

Al said...

10 DPO - 14 DPO is hell that gets a little bit more hellish each day as you approach beta. Then the last hours feel like days and it's one giant mind f*ck.

Hang in there!! I'm glad you got the supps, you'll have peace of mind if nothing else, but hoping it's a BFP.

Ashley said...

I'm glad you got some answers. I hope the suppositories work for you!

A said...

I'm glad you asked for the supp's. Since progesterone is so important, it surprises me that some RE's don't seem to pay as much attention as I think it deserves! And I agree, 10dpo is the worst. Especially since my LP is usually 13/14 days anyway, so I don't even have the luxury of having a short LP where 10 is the max!! (But I know longer LP's are better- I'm just sayin'!!)

Hang in there :) I can't believe this is our fourth injectible cycle and we're looking at ivf if it doesn't work. How the heck? I always thought making babies was so easy....

A said...

PS. Progesterone supp's delayed my cycle 48 hours (I stopped taking them on 16dpo and didn't start until 2 days later)...

Secret Sloper said...

Keep going, Basic. You can do it. I know these last few days feel like hell, but you're almost there.

Browniris said...

My doctor was really iffy on the progesterone supplements, too. She also said that she usually doesn't prescribe them until someone is KU, but was willing to if I thought it would help. Her feeling is that they help more psychologically than physically. Whatever...I figure if there are no side effects in taking them, they can't hurt and at least I know I am doing everything that I can. GL!

Bean stalk ballads said...

Thinking of you... this place is such a hard place to be. The supps did delay my cycle by 6 days../ and I did have a lot of side effects from them.

I wish you so much hope.. and i am cheering from the sidelines.

AplusB said...

I'm glad you were persistent and got the suppositories. My RE had the same reaction...that anything over 10 is ok. But the extra progesterone can't hurt, so why not?! I'm right behind you on this 2ww...it's TORTURE.

JC said...

I'm really hoping for you! I'm glad you got the suppositories also, good job for being persistent. =)

Shanny said...

I know how much our minds can play games with us during the 2ww, I am... I definitely am not... but I am... but maybe not, its CRAZY.
I hope that you most certainly are and hope the progesterone supplements help you out, good luck!

Erin said...

My beta is on Friday too, and I am literally crawling out of my skin. I can't take it much more.

My progesterone was 18.3 (my lowest to date) and the told me to do the supplements. It can't hurt. I'm glad you called about it.