Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Blame it on the Clomid

So I've been feeling super emotional the last few days, and I think we all know who (or what) i'm going to blame here! I really didn't notice a change on 50mg, and maybe its all in my head but this week I've just been so all over the place. It also didn't help that in the last couple days two different people made a point to ask when I was having babies. Lady #1 (aka my fav waitress at the local bar/restaurant we ALWAYS go) hit me up over the weekend. She just had a baby and was showing us pics on her phone....when she stopped dead sentence and was like "The real question here is when are you going to have a baby". Grrrrr.

Or as lady #2 (aka my mom's friend) pointed out... I think its time for you to have a baby. Hah, it's like what a novel the thought never occurred to me that I could actually have a child with the husband I've been married to for 4.5 years?!? I guess I should get home and get on that stat! Thank you my mom's friend that I bumped into at the store, who I barely even know, thank you. I do understand these women have no idea what I've been going through, and to them it's just an innocent little comment...small talk really. But it makes me thankful that one positive to dealing with IF, is a sense of awareness that I might not have had otherwise. And down the road as much as I may want to ask a friend when they're going to have a baby...I'll remember to bite my tongue, because you just never know what's going on behind closed doors! Until they decide to let me in, what business is it of mine...and I SO never want to be the person someone has to blog about dealing with...hah!

Then yesterday I had an appointment with my internist. She asked me what's new, and so I told her we were trying to have a baby....and before I could finish she started with, oh congrats that is so exciting!! It's like hold up lady...I'm just getting started here. And so I told her we got pregnant, had a miscarriage, now can't get pregnant, fertility treatments...blah, blah, you know the story. My voice of course started shaking, and I could feel my eyes tearing up...dam you clo.mid. Something about telling my story to someone who doesn't already know, watching her expression change from excitement to pity...just reminds how much I hate having to tell this story at all!!

So for now I'm just going to blame my overall mopiness on the clo.mid, and the pressure I'm feeling heading into IUI #3...ugh, can that please be the highest number I have to put behind IUI?!? And in attempts to beat the funk, I'm just going to focus on the positives until my 7am appt on Friday. Basically one more day to go until we get this show on the road, and then I promise no more whiney posts!! Positive/zenful state here I come, and in the meantime:
  • Went to yoga last night, which I'm totally loving. She talks a lot about squeezing out the negative energy and bringing the positive in...perfect!
  • It's Wednesday, and my boss is working from home which = easy day of slacking for me!
  • Modern family AND Giuliana & Bill are on new favorite shows!
  • Bought these shoes online with leftover xmas credit! Should be arriving any day now.


Shanny said...

ha! I love how people think the idea of kids never ocurred to us, what world do they think we live in?

I love those shoes, they are hot!

Shanny said...

I wasn't done yet, I hit enter by mistake :-/

Clomid 100mg had me up the wall, miss sunshine was hiding in some dark place lol I'm hoping Friday gives you some good news and that this IUI is indeed the last one!

Littlest True Blue said...

Yes...blame it on the clomid! Emotional rollercoaster! I'm very excited for your appt on Friday! Will you be triggering or waiting to ovulate naturally? When do you think your IUI will be? I unfortunately still have super SLOW follies this cycle, yesterday my meds got upped again. Ugh...waiting waiting waiting! Try to keep ZEN!!!

Anonymous said...

um, those shoes are amazing. yes yes yes, I love them!!! :)

I just went to the dentist and the nurse who was cleaning my teeth was asking what I've been up to in the last YEAR AND A HALF since I went in. Nothing much, same old-same old." She then says, "No babies for you?" Me: "Nope, definitely not." Are you KIDDING ME?!?! I totally agree with you, this journey has definitely blessed me with a sensitivity that I didn't have before IF. I mean, I could live without it (haha), but I will count it as a positive. :)

Kim said...

The clomid can do that to you - I think it's cruel - but then again the comments really don't help!!!

Love Guiliana & Bill too - I have it Tivo'd in my guest room where I have my elliptical - like to kill two birds with one stone.

Love the shoes and Yoga- nice healthy balanced day ahead for you!

P.S. Don't squeeze to hard in Yoga, you might accidentally let a toot out. :)

A said...

I've never been on that dosage of clomid, but I'm sure it isn't peaches and cream! I think it is funny how people are so excited when someone tells them they're trying for kids. It's amazing that the prevailing thought is that it's like trying to make a pizza... Hoping that you're having a better day today!

Anonymous said...

Clomid is the devil when it comes to toying with your emotions. One minute I was weepy, the next I was ready to snap off my husbands head. It was awful! I hope that your hormones calm down soon. And I wish people would not say that stuff about having kids. What if you chose not to live child-free? It seems like pressuring people about having children is what everyone is into these days.

I'm glad yoga is going well and I absolutely love those shoes!!! Where did you get those?

Erin said...

I didn't have any trouble with 50 of Clomid, but when I moved to 100, I thought I was going insane! I hated it!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for reminding me about G & B tonight, I knew there was something on Wed nights!!

Ugh sorry about those ladies asking you about babies. I hate when that happens. I'm glad IF has made us aware and sensitive to the possibility that others could be IF too. I never ask that question or make any comments like that. At least we won't be one of those people.

AplusB said...

Yeah, it's probably the Clomid, but those nosy questions would annoy anyone, Clomid or not! Hang in there - just a few more days until your monitoring appt.!

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you had TWO experiences like that recently. You are right though. Going through this has definitely made me more aware of how rude and insensitive it can be to ask someone what seems to be just a simple question. I hope this is your cycle!!

Jane said...

I laughed out loud when I read: "It's like hold up lady...I'm just getting started here." Too true! Wish it were as simple for us as that, but we each have our own too long TTC stories, don't we?

Wishing you much luck for number 3. Third times a charm!

Wishing 4 One said...

I have never done clomid suprisingly with all the shit I've done in the past 4 years. Wishing the best of everything with your cycle. By the way 2010 is the year of the baby, so get ready cause we're all getting one or two.....Oh and those shoes are hot girl. Happy iclw, i am such a new fan.

My Endo Journey said...

Those shoes are HOT!!!

Hoping this cycle is yours!!! :)