13dpo & Holding

So I survived the weekend, and I mean literally just that. Instead of rushing by like usual, this weekend seemed to drrraaaag. And at the same time dragged me through the IF roller coaster of emotions. At times I was truly optimistic because I wasn't cramping and AF still hadn't showed, but then the cramps would resume, and the tears would start about another potentially failed IUI. Something about the 2nd one not working is hitting me much harder than the first.

Then there was the way too vivid dream I had Saturday night, where I tested positive. You know the ones where everything is so clear, and every detail is so accurate right down to the brand of pregnancy test. And the feeling of extreme happiness I experienced in that dream, well, I let it get to me. I thought this surely must be a sign, and broke down last night and tested...BFN at 12dpo. Now that can't be a good sign. I guess its better to go into my beta tomorrow with some realistic expectations.

I'm going to call shortly and make my appointment for tomorrow morning. And if this isn't my month, can I please oh please just get my period before wasting the trip to the dr. tomorrow. Last month I got my period 30 min. after my beta...now that was just cruel!

Stay tuned.