Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Cheaters Never Win

I cheated and took a test yesterday after I got home from work. I never test early, I don't why I did it. And to my total shock there was a line, very very faint but it was definitely there. So I moved my beta to today, woke up this morning and did another test which was lighter than the previous day. Expecting the worst, my nurse called and confirmed my fears...hcg 4.5 and progesterone 6.

I now have to find a place in Florida to get follow-up blood work done on Thursday, my nurse stated to see if it goes up or down. I'm sorry, but there is no way its going up. I almost think its mean of her to even say, let's just call this what it is...another chemical.

My heart is breaking. I am scared and frustrated. I feel broken.

25 comments:

AplusB said...

I am so sorry. I can only imagine how frustrating this is two months in a row. Hoping your doc comes up with a great plan for the next cycle, IVF or whatever, to get you knocked up for real! Hang in there...I am so sorry to hear this news.

A said...

Gosh, I am so sorry. I don't think there's anything I can say that won't seem cliche, but I will be praying for you as I can't imagine going through this 2 months in a row (hug)!! I hope your doctor can maybe do some other testing to figure out if there is anything coming between you and your little one- and can help you have a healthy pregnancy!

Just Me...C said...

I am so sorry. I cannot even imagine how difficult this is for you. It's just not fair and it just plain sucks. Again, I'm so very sorry.

Kim said...

I am so very sorry. {{{{{Hugs}}}}}

Andrea said...

Hugs, Much Love and Comfort to you.

I can relate to your frusteration and hurt, as I suffered a very bad day myself yesterday. We want to be hopeful, but we also know to be cautiously optimistic.

I'm at a crossroads and may very well be walking your path very soon...I AM AFRAID. The unknown is heart breaking.

However, on a brighter note, don't count yourself completely out. Get your beta checked again and proceed with caution, but don't lose sight of HOPE. I'm praying for a beta rise.

Much love and Many Prayers to you sweet friend.

xoxo

Secret Sloper said...

I'm so sorry. This is just heartbreaking and so unfair. I'm praying you get a wonderful surprise on Thursday.

Hugs to you.

suchagoodegg said...

Oh, my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry. I know you are totally hurting and frustrated right now and it sucks so freaking much. I am hoping with ALL of my heart that it goes up, up, up....but if it doesn't, that you get it all *just right* with the next protocol. You are such a SOLID meds responder, you get those eggies and swimmers to meet up...one more tiny nudge and it's happening for REAL. Here for you. ((hugs))

Fidgeting Gidget said...

I'm sorry to hear this and I'm thinking of you!

JC said...

I'm so so sorry. It's not fair you keep having this happen to you. It's just not fair and my heart hurts for you. Big ((hugs)) and I hope you can have a relaxing time with your hubby in FL despite what's going on. I know it's got to be so hard, so hard. I'm thinking of you.

Jennifer said...

Oh...I am so very sorry. Nothing I can say will make it better. This sucks and it's not fair. Thinking about you and praying for you guys.

Leslie said...

I am so so so sorry!! I too went through 2 chemical pgs almost 2 cycles in a row (I took a month break after the first) and I know how hard it is! I wish there was something I could do or say to make this easier for you! Please know that you are not alone! In the meantime, I will be sending lots of + thoughts to you, hoping & praying that a blessing will happen for you with a nice beta rise on Friday as it is still early! I know it is hard to get your hopes up but I will be hoping for you.

Browniris said...

I am so very sorry that things aren't looking good this cycle. That is SO painful and SO unfair. I hope you are able to still have a good time in Florida. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you just in case.

I nominated you for a blog award...check out my blog for details.

Fertility Chick said...

I am so sorry. Wish there were words that could make it better - know that I am thinking about you.

Al said...

I am so, so sorry. I can imagine how frustrating it is to get so close so three times in a row...UGH. This just sucks so bad. Thinking of you.

lowfatlady said...

*hugs* I am so sorry.

Bean stalk ballads said...

Damn that is the worst. I am thinking of you.

Patrish said...

I'm very sorry. ((HUGS))

Katie said...

I am so very sorry. I don't even know what to say. I'm just so heartbroken for you and I wish you didn't have to go through this pain anymore. I'll be thinking of you and holding out hope for a miracle.

Lots and lots of (((hugs))).

Crossed Fingers said...

*hugs* I'm so so so sorry for your hurt & pain right now. I wish there was something I could say to make it easier. Just know I'm here for you.

Chelle said...

I am so sorry honey. I don't know what else to say beyond this just doesn't seem fair.

*Big hugs*

Amanda said...

.....gosh darn it!!

ASP said...

So unfair.

Shanny said...

I can't put into words how sorry I am, this is beyond frustrating and heartbreaking. Big hugs darling =(

Baby On Mind said...

I'm so sorry. There are no words that can make you feel better. Hang it there.....

Andrea said...

Hello Sweet Friend,

Thank you for the precious post that you left on my blog. It's heart warming to know that someone has your back :)

I'm still praying like mad for you and sending you many, many hugs. I hope you are enjoying the sunshine :)

Did you know we could be sisters? Its amazing that we like so many of the same things :)

HUGS
xoxo