Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Here We Go

My first post, where to begin. Well first off I was hoping I would never have to write this entry or even start this blog at all. I'm an avid IF blog stalker but never had the guts to actually post one myself. I just completed my first IUI, and I truly was hoping it would work the first try and I would never need my IF blog. But that wasn't the case, because today on 14dpo, just after I left the RE's office for my blood test, I arrived at work only to find out AF had also arrived. So first cycle was a bust.

And a bust for so many reasons, a bust because I had 2 gorgeous follies ready to go, a bust because my husbands numbers were amazing at 99 million count with 97% motility, a bust because my progesterone was great at 18, and mostly a bust because now I know I will not be pregnant by my rapidly approaching EDD, which leads me to my next point.

Although now I'm dealing with IF, there was a time when I thought getting pregnant would be easy, and it was! We started trying last January, and after 4 attempts we were pregnant with our first baby. I could not have been more excited. We were due January 4th, 2010. I was so excited about my due date, which is funny because I always joked the worst time of the year to have a baby would be around the holidays (you know those kids always get jipped when it comes to bdays)...but all that went out the window with my perfect due date. I only stayed pregnant about 2.5 weeks when I woke up one morning to spotting. I went to the dr. to find there was only a sac, and she advised me the bleeding would most likely get heavier and I would go on to miscarriage naturally.

I was of course devestated. But I thought if I could get pregnant once, it should be no problem getting pregnant again. After all they say you're even more fertile the few months following the miscarriage, so I stayed positive. But the months continued on and nothing, when we hit the 6 months post miscarriage my doctor sent me in for an HSG, and my hubbie in for his first SA. His count/motility were great, however morphology was borderline...which was our ticket to our RE and our diagnosis of unexplained infertility (RE thought the morphology was okay after re-testing).

Which leads me to today. I truly thought this first IUI would do the trick, I had no side effects to the 50mg clomid, my hubby performed my trigger shot flawlessly, perfectly timed IUI...but this wasn't our month. I know it WILL happen, but as time continues to pass it gets a little harder to endure alone. Of course hubby is amazing, my mom and few close friends who are super supportive and optimistic, but for the most part its easier to keep it private. And I find so much comfort in reading others IF blogs, that i've committed myself to starting this blog. I sometimes read other blogs and it seriously feels like they're reading my mind and typing it on their own blogs, and there is such a relief in knowing I'm not alone in this journey, that other people know who badly i want this, how frustrating this process can be, and all the other bs that goes along with infertility.

So this is my story, and I invite you to follow along.


Jane said...

Hi there! I just saw you're a new follower of mine, so I thought I'd stop by to say hello!

I'm so sorry to hear about today's bad news. I also started blogging right after I got my BFN from my first IUI. I felt exactly the same way as you: perfect timing, perfect swimmers, perfect follies, how could I get a BFN? I was a little devastated and realized I needed some additional support. IF is a hard road to travel!

Good luck on IUI#2!

Shanny said...

I can completely feel your struggles and pain and hope all at the same time in this post. I'm so sorry for your loss, it doesn't get easier, but having a blog can be a great way to release your emotions. At least I find that it does for me. I hope it does the same for you.
The morphology issue is the exact same thing with us, first test was borderline and second was good. I dunno how this unexplained infertility works, but I know it sucks =(
GL in this journey, I hope that its a short one! Hope IUI # 2 does the trick =)

AplusB said...

I will be following!

Al said...

Hi, I just noticed you're a follower of mine, so I thought I would drop by and say Hi! Welcome to blogging. I'll be following along. Best of luck with IUI #2!

Basic Girl said...

Thanks ladies! I hope you enjoy following as much as I've enjoyed "secretly" following all of you until now!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you started this blog! I'll be following =)