And the Consolation Prize Goes to Me

So every month I get a BFN, I go into self-preservation mode and start telling myself all the reasons why it's okay it didn't happen this month...and how it will be SO much better if I get that BFP next month. My current train of thought goes something like this: well, who really wanted to be preggers over xmas anyways (would have only been the best gift ever), but really now I can have way more fun this Friday at the Christmas party I host every year, and one of my good friends is getting married next August, so I would have been busting at the seams at her wedding, maybe even giving birth and missing her wedding completely, and let's not forget about how hot it would be. I mean after all August is probably the only month in Chicago where it's actually hot...so who really wants to have a baby then anyways???

My semi-irrational thoughts are of course followed by my equally rebellious actions. Today went something like this, got to work, got my period (30 min. after my blood test I might add), grab my jacket and immediately stomp over to star.bucks for a peppermint mocha...ahhh caffeine fix! I mean, is there anything better than the holiday drinks at Star.bucks, and how is it fair they cost almost $5? Either way it was worth every penny, because that coffee was enough to get me through the day without bursting into tears once over my bust IUI.

Next act of defiance is taking place as we speak. After hubby got home from work, and we finished dinner...we bee lined it to the liquor store to pick up a bottle of wine. It's sort of become my routine, my consolation prize for not getting pregnant...allowing myself to be super lazy that night, hubby lets me watch whatever I want, snuggle up on the couch with the pups, and indulge in a glass (or three) of wine without any guilt whatsoever.

The funny thing is, I usually find some relief when I do get my period each month. I finally have an answer, and although it's not he one I was hoping and praying for...at least now I know. And for the next two weeks I don't have to wonder IF I may be pregnant, but instead start focusing on the cycle, and how I just KNOW this will be my month.